What do I desire?

Peace. Healing. Clarity. Space. Solitude.

I don’t know if I should be worried about my lack of desire for people. But I’m not. They exhaust, they deplete, they take. Solitude is a far greater friend.


From,
The burnt out empath.

I must stop acting boldly after silencing my emotions.

They return in the night, and keep me awake instead.

A clean conscience is far more important than ego. 

I watched silently,
as she gasped for air.
As his grip tightened.

Little did I know
of the implications of my silence.

Once a target has been hit,
aim is directed to another.

And that one day, it could be me. Gasping.

.

Affirmations

I will be radical. I will choose myself in a world that profits off my feelings of inadequacy. I will accept allow only the highest standard of love to enter my life and will repel all that is less.

I will grow. I will use my voice, my passion, my drive to beautify the environment around me and to nourish. I will not be limited by my own mind or by the expectations others have of me. I will work in silence and allow my results to speak for me. 

Cut off anyone who leaves you questioning your worth, who leaves you as an option, a maybe, a possibility, because they do not see you worthy of being anything more. 

Your self-esteem is far more important than someones comfort and convenience. 

Lessons for self

This has been a year of huge personal growth for me. Challenging the barriers that I have grown up with, the barriers that I have placed on myself, the doubts that I had plan

And here I write the most important of the lessons learnt.


1) Know what you want.
Be honest with yourself. You know very well what you want. What your heart seeks. Yet you keep chasing what you know will not lead to your fulfilment. Know what you want and pursue that.


2) Use your free time positively. Join organisations and teams that work towards goals that you believe in and have similar values to you. Achieving good alone is a difficult journey, one that relies on self motivation and making your project your priority. The problem arises when there are difficulties in personal circumstances. Without the support of a team, it is easy to put your own passions and projects at the bottom of the priority list, when other more pressing matters come to your attention. So to keep growth and passionate work consistent, hold yourself to account, be part of a team and persevere.


3) Stop doubting yourself and your abilities. Any opportunity that presents itself to you is done so for a reason. God wouldn't have offered it to you if he didn't believe you were capable of completing it. Trust that you have everything within yourself to get through it and to deliver.


4) Know your worth.
Know that you deserve to be treated as a priority. Just as you prioritise those you love and care for. Never accept anyone who treats you as an option.That only leaves you with questions. Wondering why you aren't enough. Know that you are a source of peace and comfort. Your presence is a gift that should be appreciated.

5) Social media is completely unnecessary and a waste of your time and energy.
Find better hobbies. Make real friends. Spend time with your family. Work on your fitness. Journal. There are better uses of free time than likes, shares and fake friends. It starts a vicious cycle of procrastination that will only create inner frustration, no good can come out if such a plaee.

6) Body image: You've come a long way. Enjoy it. Be grateful.

7) Take care of your private life and God will take care of your public life.

consciousness is a gift. It is the lamp we use to navigate through a dark world. Yet many of us find it exhausting to light. The more conscious we are, the more we become aware of the often bitter realities of the world around us, of the people around us. 

If you find yourself having to reduce your level of consciousness in order to keep another in for life, or to enjoy their presence, ask yourself- Why? Is it because you don’t want to face the facts? The fact that you give more than you receive? The fact that those you choose don’t actually care for you? The fact that you’re not getting much out of your relationships and perhaps have to consider ending some? 

To silence our consciousness is to avoid reality. The reality that we need to walk away. Instead of facing facts, we ignore them until our feelings can no longer let us. Reacting abruptly, without warning. The result of a silenced conscience finally awakened.