Quiet presence

Embrace your shy demeanour

The way you touch hearts

with soft words of reassurance.

Feel not the need to shout, to be heard.

For those who wish to listen, pause. 

In your shyness lies elegance,

self-assurance,

dignity. 

There is nothing but wonder

in the one who's quiet presence

for one reason or another,

simply cannot be ignored. 

The first step to asserting ones needs is acknowledgement and awareness of them. All of them.
Whether that be the primitive, the carnal or the emotional.

High value

1) Know your core values. Don't ever compromise them.

2) Pay attention to your feelings. Its not necessary to react immediately, but allow yourself time to take them in and act accordingly, working in your best interest in the process.

3) You are in no need of validation or attention from others. You exist peacefully as you are, good people merely add to an already contented life. They are not the source of contentment. That is in you.

4) Mind, body, soul. Work towards nourishing and connecting all three in order to attain balance and contentment. Take care of your mind by feeding it positive thoughts, affirmations and setting realistic long term and short term goals. Nourish the body by feeding it that which it needs. And nourish the soul through self awareness, seeking meaning, minimising negativity and using the heart as a guide.

5) Self improvement: keep building and working on yourself and find ways to utilise the skills and talents you may have. Find your self worth in the way that you are, not the way that you look.

6) Know your worth and only keep those who recognise it within your close circle.

7) Have high standards for the quality of love and friendship which you give and receive. It will make your life more beautiful.

Signs you've found the one

1) You feel at complete ease in their presence

2) You find a sense of peace in them

3) Familiarity 

4) There is mutual respect, appreciation and awe

5) You see their 'flaws' yet they don't bother you

6) You want to give

7) You trust them

8) You want to be close to them

9) You love yourself more

10) You feel safe around them

11) You feel supported and protective

To the ones I love. My inner circle. 

You have my all. No problem is too big or too small for me to sit and work it though with you. No dream is unrealistic and know that when I say I believe in you, I mean it. When I say I see a beautiful future for you, I have full faith in it. If you cannot see it, I will, and show you.

I see you. I see your flaws, yet I find beauty in places you hadn’t looked. I accept you. Just as you are and will remind you why you should perhaps love yourself a little more. I will give, every time I find you in need. What I have to offer is love. Safety. Comfort.. A home.  

All I ask is the same in return.

The same love. The same commitment. The same generosity. Because I have seen too many women lose themselves, to those who take. And I cannot allow myself to be a fool. 

Because she who gives is in need of another who can too. 

It is in these very moments where I usually mess up.
Do I acknowledge these feelings of attachment and allow myself to be vulnerable?.
Or do i reject them due to fear of abandonment and create an emotional distance? Turning cold to hide the fact that i care?

I choose the former. No good comes from the latter.

And as the rest of the world ran one way.
We walked another.

Society is but a sinking ship.

And I cannot go down with it. 

I really do put a lot of pressure on myself to meet expectations.
And the idea of letting others down, especially those whom i care about, shakes me to the core.
So what do I do? Let them down to overcome that fear...

And now I'm here. Unafraid of who stays or leaves.
 ...(what's wrong with me)

How are you real?

Not meeting expectations. Disappointing someone you love. Hurting them with your inaction.

Intentions misunderstood. 

Goodness overlooked. 

People don't remember the good, nor will they hold on to it. It is the taste of the bitter which becomes difficult to eliminate. 

Alot has happened over the past few years. Many successes, many failures. 

Some healing, more hurt. 

And at this point, lies a void. A reminder of my own failures. One that I have tried to fill with other successes, love, hard work -in all forms. Yet it remains.
Inaction is in itself an action, one that I regret.
And to fix it-

Redemption. To go above and beyond. Yet any efforts I make seem insignificant and futile. 

It will take time. But I understand now. That feeling of having not done enough. 

We are so different on the surface yet so similar at the core. I don't feel anxious. Worried. Nervous. Overwhelmed. Which so far, every male has stirred these feelings within me. Here, my interest has been piqued, but without fear. I feel at ease. For we both fear Allah too much to stray. And if it doesn't work then that's fine, we can part respectfully. There is no need for passive aggression here. No games are being played. No social experiments. No lies or dishonesty. Just openness, honesty and curiosity.

Hadith Qudsi

And that is why he is Ar-Rahman, the most merciful. 

Each and every one of us has the opportunity, to attain closeness to him. If only we tried. If only we understood the magnitude of the blessing in front of us. A support that never leaves. A light that never dims. Guidance that is always available. Allah extends his help to those that strive for his sake. That fulfil their obligations to him and seek his pleasure. That serve for his sake. And what more could we possible need? In this life of uncertainty, we could be gifted the certainty that our delicate and often fragile lives are in the safest of hands. 

Selfless hearts. Give without expectation. 

Yet are prone to loss. 

They give much more than they receive. 

They pour, till they can pour no more.

Such hearts find solace in few places. 

And safety in one-

in the hands that belong to another selfless heart. 

Sincerity. A rarity.

Yet those who offer it create home..

A place of safety. 

Just look for those who care,

When you don't expect them to. 

Who offer their time.

Soft words. Kind actions. Thoughts. 

And keep you in the most precious of places- prayers.

Then truly, in such people has treasure been found.

Guard it. Secure it. 

Lest another find it, and claim it. 

Enough

“I am enough.” 
Say it. 
Accept it.

And sigh with relief as the war on the self finally reaches an end.

The woman of fire
With a voice that speaks truthfully,
without apology.
Who rejects the path of least resistance
Her fire, a threat.
To the man of fuel,
Who cannot possibly exist,
as long as flames remain alit.
Resorting to the only option,
To extinguish.

Confession:

I don’t quite know how to behave.
New found confidence,
Conflicting with principles of modesty and the need to conceal.
Reveal or not reveal?

A woman at ease and comfortable in her own skin is mesmerising. She catches the eyes of others, and makes those around her comfortable too.
It’s powerful.
To exude confidence, and attract the gaze.
And so comes the clash with my desire to preserve and protect my modesty.
The end product being a girl using awkwardness to distract attention from her form to avoid the guilt associated with it.

Have I been socialised to be ashamed?
Of the parts of me that distract?

Swift

Just as the wind passes
through the most hostile of lands.
You too can move,
Swiftly. Fearlessly.

Pain

Part of the human experience.
A part that is feared,
yet must be embraced.
It connects us.
The new self, with the old.
Parts we forget exist.
Parts that still ache.

Pain disrupts. The delusion of perfection. .
And soon we are left to confront
the damaged pieces that remain.
Look for a while.
Then gently, pick it up.
Smooth the edges. Refine.
And piece together.
The old self with the new.

Repeat after me
You are worthy of the love you gift others
You are worthy of the nourishment you provide others
You are worthy of the affection you give others.
And for the sake of your future, do not accept any less.

She hugs me tightly, soothing away my own worries, my own sadness.
When her own consumes her.
How is this possible?
To dig into empty pockets,
And find handfuls for another?

self care? Or selfish?

Its ok choose your self. To choose your own needs.

But do so openly. Be clear. Be honest. 

That is self care. 

But to mask such an act with altruism-

To convince another that you are service to them;

when the intention is to serve your own self first-

is not ok.

That is selfish.

That is manipulation.

The former invites self respect and dignity. 

The latter paves a path to anguish. 

Truth prevails, and those who were deceived will realise. 

And the immediate result- abandonment. resentment. 

The real reason

And if it were for myself,
I'd live quietly, unnoticed.
In service to those I love.
Happily caring.
Nurturing,

But fire exists within.
Ignited by the woman who made me.
Her sacrifice, struggle and pain
Brought forth a light that must be honoured,
That must be seen.

For that reason I reject safety,
I reject mediocrity.
I reject comfort.
And instead will search.
For all that will keep this flame alive.

Dance is but a celebration
Of life
Of health
Of youth.

Foundations for healthy relationships

Toxic, manipulative, unhealthy.
As we become more aware of our behaviours, of human psychology and of the effects of unhealthy relationships, we find it easier to overthink the ones we have. Relationships, of any type don’t gave to be complicated. It’s simple really. Have strong foundations and focus on maintaining principles.

This post will summarise how not to be an asshole.

1) Give respect to be respected. Show them you value their point of view. Respect others as you wish to be respected, that means listening, understanding and sknowledging then. Don’t shut people down or try and make them look small, they won’t stick around for long.

2) don’t use people are a means for your benefit. Some people have the ability to manipulate, it comes naturally to them. I’m one of those people and from experience, being able to get another to do as you please doesn’t work well. That’s manipulation. Sooner or later they will realise that they are doing something they don’t oarticularly want to and in the end they will realise and probably resent you for it. We have no right to control the behaviour of others, so next time before doing so, consider the wishes of the other, rather than your own. Keep your interests out of it.

3) accept others. If they’re behaviour isn’t damaging, if their actions aren’t harmful. If they’re not violent or destructive, then why reject them? If your extroverted brother or sister irritates your introverted self, then create your own space rather than telling them to stop. Allow others to express themselves without fear of rejection, tolerate others as long as they bring no harm to you.

4) instil confidence in them. If you see good in someone, say it. Water the plant.

5) if you upset another, accept the mistake and apologise for it. Then find a way to make it up. Maybe you did something unintentionally that hurt another, in those cases, empathise with them. Causing another pain shouldn’t be taken lightly. Apologise and do something small to show you care.

In summary, respect the other party, avoid acting selfishly and make the effort to make the other feel important. If you can do that they will find it very difficult to keep away from you. The world makes us feel unimportant, to find those who value us is what will lift our spirits. Belittling others leads to our own belittlement. Empower others and I assure you, that very love and kindness will find its way back.

To the healers

To the healers,

Opposites attract,
and you, healer,
attract the needy.

Searching, for opportunities to help.
The healer longs to be needed.
Perhaps that’s the only way of being certain they’ll stay?

Reject that longing.

Your life is to give, and receive.
Your glass must be full, before you pour to others.

If you are wanted, you will recieve
But if needed, you will only give.
Choose to be wanted.
Desired. Appreciated.

It’s not easy.  To trust. We may fall. But what if we fly?

Change

Realising that there was nothing that needed to be changed.

That searching elsewhere, lead to emptiness. What I have, within myself, is far greater than what I may find in other places, in other people. 

May your inner world be your home. A place of safety, not fear.

Parenting lessons from my mum

Words can’t describe how grateful I am for the sacrifices my mother made. At the detriment to herself. She took all the impact, so her children would never have to be. But there was a limit to how much she could take. 23 years. And in the end I only wish we had saved her sooner. 

Now it’s the 5 of us. With the one who violated in exhale. And things have never been better. We feel safe. 

I wanted to share the parenting lessons from my mom. This is how I want to treat my own children one day. 

1) love for them what you love for yourself. She took this to another extreme. Where she wouldn’t buy herself anything unless she was able to gift each of her 4 children the same. 

2) unconditional love: even if you disappoint me, I will never stop loving you. 

3) feelings to never let a child hold on to: 

Inadequacy- you are enough just as you are 

Perfectionism- it will eat you alive 

Fear of abandonment- as long as I’m alive I will never abandon you 

Regret- why regret when God has decreed it to be that way? 

Guilt- make a mistake, apologise, change the behaviour and learn.

Fear- you are accepted here, you are safe with me. 

4) she defended us, when we were attacked, even if it meant she got hurt in the end. She couldn’t let someone instil feelings of worthlessness, always aware of the impact it would have on our personalities. Without realising what she was doing, she defended us and did her best to protect us and our self esteem. 

5) money isn’t to be hoarded, it should be used for experiences, for food and to show someone you love and value them. This doesn’t need to  cost a lot. 

6) acceptance. Each of us 4 had very different personalities and traits. Never was one person better than the other. She judged us by our good actions and intent. There was something beautiful and special in each of us and she wanted that to grow. 

7) openness: she’s my best friend. I can tell her of the same issues as I would tell a friend. If a boy is hurting me, she’d know about it, if my friends are taking advantage of me she’d point it out and tell me to be careful. I could talk to her about anything.

And as often as possible, she’d tell me to share my struggles with my siblings. To help us bond and create trust within our relationship. If we can’t trust our struggles with our own blood then who else? 

So if I had problems with friends, or if I was heart broken or if I was feeling unmotivated, all of my siblings would know. 

8) she sacrificed. We know as facts that she lost nearly everything. Yet despite all of that she says she would not have done anything differently. Because we were worth her sacrifice. What does that tell us? That there must be something good in us and perhaps we should start believing it and acting up to it. So many parents nowadays put other priorities before their children. In the end they feel unworthy of their parents love and attention and develop low self esteem. Prioritise family, always. 

Now I see her. She’s broken. Yet her role doesn’t stop. She continues to heal those when she is in need of healing. I pray that is 4 children become a means for her to heal. I pray we become her strength and offer her safety just as she did for us. I pray God rewards her for all that she endured, and the one who inflicted such harm on a woman as soft as her is deal with in the most just way. And I pray God honours her in every way. 

wanted to document this. This time. It’s it’s precious. I’m with those I love, safe and warm. We’ve lost a lot but gained what’s  priceless. Grown closer, supported, and been the strength of one another. I will forever cherish this time, these memories. That in the bleakest times we offered one another hope. Looked out for one another and fought to stay together.

Red flags of a Narcissist

I've come across countless stories of how empaths fall victim for narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths and I always believed I was self are enough to recognise if it was happening to me. That's not true. What causes it? Rose tinted glasses. They make it impossible to detect the red flags, and even if you notice them you are reluctant to talk about it.

One of the most basic yet fundamental abilities of an emotionally healthy individual is the ability to recognise their mistakes. To accept, admit and be empathetic towards another when they do something to harm or upset them.

This is perhaps the quickest way to identify a sociopath. If they do something to upset you, how do they respond? Do they blatantly lie (- a pathological liar right there)? Do they shift the blame? Are they patronising saying "Thing about it logically, why would I..."? so you doubt your own rationality? Do they offer an empty apology with "Sorry you felt that way"?

When we are hurt, the majority of the time, it is with good reason. Pain is rarely ever irrational. It is the amongst the most primitive of human feelings and its something we can be certain of if we are feeling it. To have someone take away your right to feel that way, belittle or make you feel silly for it is nothing less than violating. It leaves the person in a state of confusion, feeling hurt but no longer knowing why? Maybe there's something wrong with me? In the long term this leads to nothing less than self doubt, being unable to trust your own feelings, low self esteem and a whole host of other issues.

So if you decide to stop reading now, just take away one message. You are entitled to your feelings. They must be acknowledged and accepted. And anyone who makes you feel silly for opening up about them should be treated with caution. Talking about our feelings should always make us feel better, when talking to the right person it is almost freeing. If doing so brings shame and regret then know its not you.

Anyway here is a list of red flags that I have personally come across, from different individuals yet they all share the same underlying traits.

If you find yourself relating to any of this, do yourself a favour and cut contact ASAP.


1) They're not sorry for the action. They're sorry they got caught and it made a mess and ruined their impression in front of you

2) They do good for the sake of pleasing themselves, of satisfying their ego. So they can tell others of it and receive validation.

3) For some reason, everyone seems to have a problem with them. A growing list of their former friends no longer speak to them.

4) You confront them for something they did to make you feel uncomfortable and they fully deny it.

5) You confront them about how you're feeling, hoping it would make things better but instead they accept no responsibility and leave you feeling stupid for feeling that way.

6) You feel like your crazy for caring so much. The reality is they're controlling the amount of love and attention they give, to keep you within their control and limits.

7) They see the world and people as a means to their own benefit. The need to use others then discard them.

8) You feel exhausted! Take this seriously.

9) Your self esteem is low. You are unappreciated and their presence makes you question yourself and your self worth.

10) Arrogance

11) Self obsession and obsessed with how others perceive them.

12) Easily envious of others. This shows in the negative way they portray those who have more than them.

13) Enjoy drama and "triggering" others. Peoples feelings aren't there for your amusement!

14) Will say things to you for the sake of provoking a reaction and seeing how you respond. Interested in testing your bounaries and what you are and aren't comfortable with. Seeing how much they can get away.

15) Low level of integrity. If they lie for small, meaningless things.

16) If you make them feel insecure in any way, they respond with ridicule.

17) If you are clinging on their potential to improve, and feel like you shouldn't leave because you may be able to help with that.

18) Unempathetic





Low self esteem is the reason for all of these behaviours. Such people need therapy for the sake of bettering their future relationships. It is not your responsibility to stick around and help them, to show them that there is good in them somewhere. You, empath, are loving, wholesome and nourishing however there is a limit to the love you are able to give. You will quickly find yourself depleted and left as empty as they are. For the one with low self esteem cannot possibly cause another to thrive. Leave. Otherwise you will find yourself questioning why. Why you aren't good enough.


To those who made me feel this way. Who had no good intentions for me but to see how successful of a social experiment I'd be, to see how many boundaries they could erode. To see how much they could change me.

Fuck you.

My boundaries remain.

What do I desire?

Peace. Healing. Clarity. Space. Solitude.

I don’t know if I should be worried about my lack of desire for people. But I’m not. They exhaust, they deplete, they take. Solitude is a far greater friend.


From,
The burnt out empath.

I must stop acting boldly after silencing my emotions.

They return in the night, and keep me awake instead.

A clean conscience is far more important than ego. 

I watched silently,
as she gasped for air.
As his grip tightened.

Little did I know
of the implications of my silence.

Once a target has been hit,
aim is directed to another.

And that one day, it could be me. Gasping.

.

Affirmations

I will be radical. I will choose myself in a world that profits off my feelings of inadequacy. I will accept allow only the highest standard of love to enter my life and will repel all that is less.

I will grow. I will use my voice, my passion, my drive to beautify the environment around me and to nourish. I will not be limited by my own mind or by the expectations others have of me. I will work in silence and allow my results to speak for me. 

Cut off anyone who leaves you questioning your worth, who leaves you as an option, a maybe, a possibility, because they do not see you worthy of being anything more. 

Your self-esteem is far more important than someones comfort and convenience. 

Lessons for self

This has been a year of huge personal growth for me. Challenging the barriers that I have grown up with, the barriers that I have placed on myself, the doubts that I had plan

And here I write the most important of the lessons learnt.


1) Know what you want.
Be honest with yourself. You know very well what you want. What your heart seeks. Yet you keep chasing what you know will not lead to your fulfilment. Know what you want and pursue that.


2) Use your free time positively. Join organisations and teams that work towards goals that you believe in and have similar values to you. Achieving good alone is a difficult journey, one that relies on self motivation and making your project your priority. The problem arises when there are difficulties in personal circumstances. Without the support of a team, it is easy to put your own passions and projects at the bottom of the priority list, when other more pressing matters come to your attention. So to keep growth and passionate work consistent, hold yourself to account, be part of a team and persevere.


3) Stop doubting yourself and your abilities. Any opportunity that presents itself to you is done so for a reason. God wouldn't have offered it to you if he didn't believe you were capable of completing it. Trust that you have everything within yourself to get through it and to deliver.


4) Know your worth.
Know that you deserve to be treated as a priority. Just as you prioritise those you love and care for. Never accept anyone who treats you as an option.That only leaves you with questions. Wondering why you aren't enough. Know that you are a source of peace and comfort. Your presence is a gift that should be appreciated.

5) Social media is completely unnecessary and a waste of your time and energy.
Find better hobbies. Make real friends. Spend time with your family. Work on your fitness. Journal. There are better uses of free time than likes, shares and fake friends. It starts a vicious cycle of procrastination that will only create inner frustration, no good can come out if such a plaee.

6) Body image: You've come a long way. Enjoy it. Be grateful.

7) Take care of your private life and God will take care of your public life.

consciousness is a gift. It is the lamp we use to navigate through a dark world. Yet many of us find it exhausting to light. The more conscious we are, the more we become aware of the often bitter realities of the world around us, of the people around us. 

If you find yourself having to reduce your level of consciousness in order to keep another in for life, or to enjoy their presence, ask yourself- Why? Is it because you don’t want to face the facts? The fact that you give more than you receive? The fact that those you choose don’t actually care for you? The fact that you’re not getting much out of your relationships and perhaps have to consider ending some? 

To silence our consciousness is to avoid reality. The reality that we need to walk away. Instead of facing facts, we ignore them until our feelings can no longer let us. Reacting abruptly, without warning. The result of a silenced conscience finally awakened.

Confusion to contentment. Steps for change

After many days of darkness, of dissappointment, feelings of rejection and lack of self worth, I reached an uncomfortable point of rock bottom. I woke up at night to pray, reflect and change.
And that change was implemented. Darkness turned to light, slowly yet surely.
How I climbed out of my feelings of confusion and doubt is something that I'd like to remember. Because we slip, time and time again. And this will serve as emotional first aid for myself.




Contentment depends on the state of the subconscious mind.
But how do we take care of  something outside our conscious control?


- Indirectly.

It is through our actions.

Turns out all things conscious, our actions (and my extension, thoughts and behaviours) shape our subconscious.
So to create a content and peaceful mind requires actions that will leave behind feelings of contentment.
Doing the things which show we love and respect ourselves. The more of these actions we perform, the greater our self esteem and the greater our feelings of peace and contentment. We are worthy. We are valued and we are able.
Conversely, acting out of sabotage or neglect of the self, worsens the state of the subconscious. Whether that be laziness, self neglect, accepting bad treatment etc.

Change your actions, behaviour and thoughts.
You are enough, just as you are. Imperfect, yet enough. You have beautiful qualities and you are worthy of love and respect.
Then start acting accordingly.


If you don't like how someone if treating you, distance yourself.
Define boundaries.
Say no when you need to.
Take care of your physical form.
Work out to honour your body.
Eat to nourish.
Invest time in the things you're passionate about.
Love others.

Your actions are done either out of love and respect for yourself. Or out of fear, insecurity or doubt. Choose to act out of self love to raise your own esteem. Take control out of the hands of others, and return it to your own hands.
Find validation within yourself and create your own source of positive energy.

I’m tired. Of caring for others when in the end, I’m seen as merely a means to pass the time.
Tired of settling. Tired of caring at my expense. I’m tired of prioritising those who don’t prioritise me.

Love two.

Yourself.
And God.

And focus on this.
With full awareness.
Only this will replenish your depleted heart
Only this will fill you. Complete you.

Pouring to others, being negligent to the two that deserve your love,
Will only leave you feeling emptier than you were to begin with.

Maybe I can't lead a group of people into a more beautiful future. Maybe I can't change the world on the huge scale that I had once hoped to do. 
But I can still change it.
With love and laughter. With understanding. With hope and mercy.
This is the only way I know how. One encounter at a time. One person at a time.
In the hope the impact may ripple.

What inspires you to do good?

Me (muslim), my friend (L, an agnostic) and another friend (V, who was hindu) had a discussion about the role of religion in our daily lives.

L asked a simple question

"As a religious person, why do you do good?"

V answered first. She explained how the afterlife is an important part of her religious beliefs. How she wishes to attain goodness in the next life and so is inclined towards good. 

L seemed dissatisfied.

She then asked me the same question. 

I'm young. Death and the afterlife isn't something that I think about daily. Yet I still want to do good. 

So what drives me?

My response-

A lot of muslims would respond as V did. The desire to attain heaven and to avoid the hellfire keeps us on the right path. But to be driven by that only, in my opinion, indicates a lack of understanding. I love God. 

I wish to spend my life in his service, out of love for him. And it is that love which drives me to do good. He loves us more than a mother loves her child. Would you do good for your mother for material reward? Or would you do so out of love for her, with the desire to make her happy? 

Reward or punishment only goes so far. It is merely a safety net, referred to when we have distanced ourselves from him and his love no longer can be felt (during times when the heart is hardened). It does not influence us in performing acts of love and kindness in our day to day lives. It merely deters us from committing atrocities. 

Someone who does good consistently does so out of a place of love. Never fear. 

Work satisfaction

Find what you're good at. 

What gives you satisfaction. 

The part of you which leaves others in awe.

And let the work of your life utilise it. 

Dua

Dua. Prayer.
To call upon your Lord, seeking his assistance.
To make the way forward.
Whether it be for a solution, for peace, for mercy, or success.

Never underestimate the power of dua.
It is a tool of actualisation.
The means to express your hearts wishes.

To say, helplessly,
"I need to go there, I just don't know how. 
but I turn to you, to pave the way."

Have faith that the way will be made.
And continue.
When the opportunity presents itself,
it will not go missed. It will be recognised. and taken.
Dua sharpens perception.

I AM

Task. 

List all the beautiful things that you are.

And when lost. Go back to it. 

Pursuit of passion

Question everything.
Why you're doing what you're doing.
What motivates you? What drives you? What do you hope to achieve?.
Are you doing it for the right reasons?

Pursuing something for the sake of fame, recognition or appreciation is meaningless.
Enjoyment in moments, but emptiness in what remains.

Whatever you do, however you choose to spend your time, do so wisely. If you were to be unsuccessful, would you regret it the time that was spent?

If the answer is no, the you are in fact following the path of passion, one of liberation.

I cannot forgive my culture. For empowering the oppressors. And for silencing the voice of the victims.

Pay close attention, to those you reach to in moments of celebration, confusion or difficulty. 

When the unpredictable happens. It gives insight into the feelings you go to great efforts to suppress.

Life is too short to be indecisive
Life is too short to be uncertain about your feelings.
Life is too short to live in fear of what could go wrong.
Seek to better understand yourself, find where your happiness lies and follow that path.

Guard the gaze

Joy can be found with ease.

Everything we need to access it is within us.

Senses that perceive. A mind that is inspired. A heart that feels. 

Happiness has the chance of entry once we reject distractions.

Once we stop looking around, looking to others.

And instead divert our gaze to good that is in front of us.  

  

reflections

The grey areas. An inevitable part of the journey, but not the destination.
An area of transition, not residence.
As one who actively avoids the grey, to enter it was bold. Only possible when the doubts were silenced by intuition.
But the goal must be to move out of it.
Else risk being diverted to the path of the heedless.

A choice needs to be made. to choose God or this world. And to choose the world is to lose God.
But to choose God is to attain goodness in both.
Submit.
And return control in God's capable hands.

Let your qualities, heart and soul be your most striking features.
Be known not for status, looks or wealth,
but for the value you add to the lives of those around you.
The light which has been gifted needs to be seen.
And that is through rejecting the superficial
In favour of fulfilling purpose.
To be a means for which good is spread.
And to be one who's commitment is in servitude.

Ramadan: The days of Mercy

Put aside the preoccupations, the distractions, the ego.
Dismiss the self appointed labels.
Leave the temporary matters to one side.
The only way to access his mercy is by standing before him, with humility
In prayer.
In those moments there is no I.
There is only a soul, that seeks to connect with the one who created it.
And it is in that state that the purpose is fulfilled, to simply do as all other life does.
To know and to praise.
 

Ego vs Self

The ego is what reacts to the events of the world. It over-reacts, it creates havoc, it responds to events taking them personally. The ego is what is hurt when tragedy strikes "I don't deserve this", "why me?". It is entitled and seeks indulgence and self servitude. Serve the ego and be consumed by it. Unable to see the positive, unappreciative, ungrateful. Wanting more, demanding more.

The self  exists, peacefully. It is aware of its environment, of the events around it but does not feel the need to react. Simply acknowledge. The self is humbled and aware of the reality that it exists through no effort of its own. It must simply move forward. There is no sense of entitlement. And it is the self that brings forth feelings of guilt when one has fallen weak to the whims of the ego.

Control of the ego starts with awareness of it. Followed by separating it from the self. Recognise that with an heightened emotional response, it is most likely the ego at play. In doing so, one can gain better awareness of their surroundings without the need to be reactionary, they can recognise need from want, and indulgence from necessity.

Ramadan is fast approaching and its a great opportunity to start a journey of regaining control over the nafs. Weaken the ego through physical discipline, quieten the mind and experience life under the governance of the self.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vItv0MxDa88

Hidden opportunities

And he made us capable of love. To nourish those around us. To buffer against the turbulence of hardship. Reserve the best of it with those nearest to you, those placed under your care. 

Hardship then becomes an opportunity. To plant the seeds of love and comfort. The trial will pass but the fruits of what was planted continue to reap. 

The Convenient

"Don't let short term satisfaction distract you from your long term goals"

We continue to do this. It is our greatest weakness. To settle for the quick fix when we yearn for something more. We doubt whether the long term goals will be achieved and so settle for what is convenient. But the best things in life are not convenient. They come with patience, with sacrifice, struggle and work. Let passion be a driving force, anything done with passion is done well.  

Protect your energy

Wise words from a friend:

Creating positive energy within yourself is an active process. Be careful with who you regularly share that energy with.
It should only be shared with those who can return it, in equal amounts.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are consistently investing energy in those who offer little return, you will find yourself depleted very quickly.

Focus on creating positive energy within yourself, radiate that, and choose company who will return it. Cut off those who drain. Positivity attracts positivity. Those who match will gravitate towards you.

Expect good

Life is difficult as it is. Don't block your own blessings. Stop trying to control and let the people and events around you follow through with their own course. The right things will find their way towards you in good timing. Let it be. Divert your focus to what you can control. Your well-being, your  growth and maintaining your happiness. Our thoughts manifest in our lives. Expect good in your life, and it will be apparent.

Calling

No single calling?
Or many multiple ones?

From a young age, we have been put under immense pressure to decide on a single pursuit, a single passion, a single calling. And work towards that. Sometimes . Many do so, following a path that was chosen in haste, only to invest and be dissatisfied with what has consumed their life.
But why must we invest wholeheartedly in one? When we can pursue multiple?
It doesn't mean we are indecisive, or lack the passion to pursue one goal.
It means we are dissatisfied with a single pursuit. And unfilled by that.
That we seek more life in our years, more growth within our time.
That we are abundant with ideas, skills and interests that no single career can utilise.
Its easy to get carried away with ideas, so have a plan in place and follow through with it.
Create the life that you want for yourself, otherwise risk handing the power over to others.

Go where passion takes you.

To disregard the feelings of another,
waste their time and energy for the sole purpose of amusement and entertainment-
is cruel.
And how does one know if they are victim to this?
- by persistently feeling drained.


We have an individual responsibility to protect ourselves and remain at a safe distance.
We must recognise our own value, recognise and aknowledge our needs and feelings.
Verbalise and enforce clear boundaries.
Allow another to violate that and watch as self worth plummets.

Cut those ties and grow in peace.

Creativity

Creativity is the mind unlocked. Is colour added to a grey world

Individuality, identity, understanding.

Exploring our creative side reveals insights into ourselves.

What catches our eyes? What inspires us? What are we drawn to?

It strengthens the sense of self.

Pursue a creative outlet, any which appeals to you. Let it be a way of expressing what you see, hear, think. Worry not about recognition from others, or whether they appreciate its meaning.

Art continues to exist in nature unnoticed, yet apparent to those who wish to see it.

And your work must exist too. 

Despite the efforts we go to satisfy our egos, we cannot escape our reality. That we were made forgetful. And with every uncomfortable blunder, we are left humbled. It prompts pause, reflection and correction. Quiet growth, driven by humility.

The glitter of this world,

 the appreciation and praise of others

and the need to satisfy the thirst of the ego.

Let actions not be driven by such pursuits. 

Short-lived, their effect rises, then falls harshly.

Taking the same energy but depleted.

Instead act out of love, with selflessness. 

Such actions bring only tranquillity to the soul. 

For love not only investments in the eternal, 

But beautifies the journey towards it.

Reside not in the past, nor fixate on possibilities. 

For a bright future,  divert attention and efforts to the present.

Impulse vs intuition

The decisions we make determine the course of our lives. It is not the consequences that determine whether a decision was right or not, it is the driving forces behind them and the intent.

Decisions made based on logic and reasoning are often safe and predictable. Two other driving factors are impulse and intuition, these make life unpredictable and significantly more interesting. Knowing the difference between the two is crucial in order to navigate through life with confidence.

Impulses- , usually insignificant, driven by desire, creates excitement, generally should be ignored (unless very bored). Desire to act does not persist.  

Intuition-
a strong sense of inclination towards something in the absence of conscious. Should always be responded to and never ignored, determines the course of our lives. It persists for reasons we cannot explain and needs not be validated by logic and reasoning, so perhaps it is our personal truth. 

Act on intuition, not impulse

.

Quote of the day

"The body is an instrument, not an ornament"

- Alanis Morisette 

Exam season and affirmations for studying

05/04/2018
Time 22:21
-----------------
Thought I'd document exam season during fourth year of medical school.
I have covered more content this year than any other year of education. All of it is to be reviewed over the next 3 weeks and will be examined. Luckily the questions are multiple choice so that takes some of the pressure of having to recall specifics.

My revision style is unpredictable. I have an unrealistic timetable made and ready for reference. One medical specialty per day. Larger specialties over two days. The amount of work I do is based around the spikes of energy. I utilise those spikes and work faster and harder in those few hours than sitting for most of the day. These energy spikes happen to be from 10pm till 4am so that is where the bulk of my studying takes place in. Those hours are peaceful, uninterrupted and undisturbed hence why I prefer them.

I Still working in the day though, primarily the afternoon. But I prefer not to completely isolate myself in my room during exam season, sitting with family helps (but also is a huge distraction so I should perhaps rethink this).
Sleep- 4-5 hours. Sleep is for the weak.
Oh and revision is broken up by whatever midnight activity calls. Whether that be a jog, Pilates or anything musical.

And to make things slightly less stressful- positive affirmations. The most effective way of silencing the whispers of doubt. I have used affirmations since secondary school, without realising I was using them. I believe in myself and my abilities and am able to overcome every obstacle I face. You have to tell yourself such bold statements, no one else will.

Affirmations which will get me through this period:

I am able to take in everything I read

My mind has no limits

I am confident in my abilities and capabilities

I have no doubt that I will cover all the content

There is more than enough time for each module

If the rest of my cohort can do it then so can I.

Joy exists in moments. And the best of moments are the spontaneous.

sabr

I trust that time will make sense of what my mind cannot

Create your own label otherwise accept whichever is thrown at you. Don't want to participate in the rat race? Remove yourself from it. Take control otherwise risk being a passenger in your own vehicle.

Discipline, an uncomfortable medicine

It can be an act of love, in times of necessity, in the smallest effective dose

But there is potential for abuse. It poisons.

For children, it leaves them deprived of the nourishment they are in desperate need of.

planting the seeds of turmoil and self doubt.
Take time to clear it.
Rid the mind from the weeds that grow, plant what is more fruitful

The seeds of acceptance, love and self forgiveness.

------------------------------------------------------

Create space

A Space-
 persists, purposely and peacefully.

The room is not in need of occupation,
but ready to welcome those who respect, maintain and uphold it.
Create space and guard it.
And allow only that which the heart recognises
to enter safely.

post psych thoughts

There are so many ways to live a life
and so many of those are terrible.
Its the small decisions we make,
seemingly insignificant, yet they ultimately determine the course of our lives
So many decisions, yet limited rules.

Instead, choose principles
be not driven by lust, greed, material desire
avoid acting on rage, or making decisions in sadness
act with mercy,
serve,
Beautify words and actions with kindness
and let kindness find its way back.
A light heart is a contented heart.

A person at peace with their very being
flourishes without limitations,
grows irrespective of obstacles,
and unlocks the ability
to not only give without expectation
but accept good without resistance

Treasures

There are enough treasures hidden within
To busy you for a lifetime

Keep moving,

even if the comforts of the present convince you otherwise.

Opening each door as it presents itself, 

Stepping forward bravely with bismillah

searching for knowledge, wisdom, light

Moving nearer to him with each pursuit

Courage

An opportunity to demonstrate inner greatness,

To overcome the biggest threat to our happiness,

The unseen enemy, which takes over the lives of many.

Fear. 

If you desire something, work towards it courageously,

Silence the voices of doubt and fear,

For the chance to enjoin in its treasures.

Otherwise remain passive and settle for mediocrity.

Preserving softness

The soft heart struggles to turn others away,

It welcomes them,

shares its light,

gives out love, almost recklessly,

till suddenly, it finds itself depleted. 

Weakened by its greatest strength.

Yet, despite this, there is nothing to change.

Compassion can't be a flaw,

love should never be limited,

the problem lies not in the heart itself

but in the people it attracts,

Choose those who are just as selfless,

who give just as recklessly,

who return the light.

Or remain alone.

So till the heart finds its way to gentle hands,
Preserve it, within the comforts and safety of solitude 

Khadija bint Khuwaylid

Khadija bint Khuwaylid was the first wife of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Given the honorary title of "Mother of the believers", her life and legacy continue to inspire women and girls across the Muslim world and have done so for centuries.

She embodied strength, self sufficiency, determination and intelligence. Building her own business empire in the midst of pre-islamic Arabia, a society inherently mysogynistic, patriarchal and driven by tribalism. 

The names given to her by her people included Ameerat-Quraysh (The princess of Quraysh), al Tahira (the pure one) and Khadija al Kubra (Khadija the great).

She created her own path.

Her excellence earned her respect from her people.

She knew what she wanted and pursued that. Never did she compromise her values or principles. Never did she put her respect and honour on the line. She expressed what she wanted and asserted herself fully. 

And after a life of social elitism, success and dominance, she lived blissfully with the love of her life, Muhammad (pbuh).

Femininity, softness, sincerity. Her presence was a source of strength, her reassuring words in bleak times offered hope, her faith inspired others. 

The more I read about her, the more I wish to emulate her..

Note to self: Ameerah, Tahira, Khadija- these are going on my list of potential girls' names

Go by energy

.

The most valuable gift one can offer is time. To make the effort to meet someone in person, sit with them and offer undivided attention. Spending quality time with others isn't just a pass-time, it allows us to fulfil  our desire to connect, care and ultimately serve. And in the process, doing so reminds us of our own wonderful qualities. Whether that be to add colour to their grey day, make them laugh or give them a glimmer of hope in a bleak time. 

But choose that company wisely.  

Why settle for people who are harsh, critical and cold. Unloading their inner discontent and dissatisfaction. Let good energy guide us towards the right relationships. Be with those who see our worth. They serve as crucial reminders, to appreciate ourselves. For if we love and value ourselves, sharing that love with others becomes natural. And so we move one step closer towards living our best life.  

Why wait?

Start celebrating

Celebrate freedom.

Celebrate health.

Celebrate Life.

Sights, sounds, scents.

Awaken your senses,

with a simple task: 

Search for the extra-ordinary in the ordinary. 

Do what makes you feel alive.

What you're passionate about.

What adds to the richness of you're inner life.

Make time for the inner child, that is too often silenced.

Maximise the joy

Stop fearing the bad. Stop allowing fears of the worst ruin the beautiful moments that are presented to us. Life is a mixture of good and bad and both need to be embraced. It is a matter of maximising the positive experiences, whilst minimising the impact of the negatives. 

So when you find yourself content, pause, and take every bit of it in. What you see, what you hear, the wonderful people around you, how you feel. Make a mental note of it all. The more detail you take in, the greater and more vivid the memory. And memories persist, even as the moment passes. Our lives are turbulent and sometimes grey, yet beautiful memories, of a life worth living, may be what keeps our spirit alive. Maximise the joy, and let it bring happiness, even after the event. 

Look for the beautiful moments, cherish and focus on them entirely so to not allow the whispers of "it won't last" to be heard. 

Life is hard and we are in need of any good that comes our way. 

I tried detachment, but something went wrong.
It was just emotional suppression. The extent to which was only truly felt in the aftermath.
Detachment will take more time to master.
For next time, acknowledge and express the feelings fully first.

So choose compassion, towards yourself first and foremost

A constant inner battle, fuelled by self criticism and discontent only drains. 

It cannot be hidden. It will reveal itself eventually, 

Negativity radiates, if we dislike ourselves we cannot show genuine concern or compassion towards others. And so begins the cycle of hate, beginning internally and manifesting externally. 

Conversely, self love behaves just the same. It cannot be contained either. It begins internally and becomes reflected in actions, behaviour and in a person's presence.

Love the inner self. Accept the imperfect state of man, overlook the unchangeable 'flaws', be forgiving of past mistakes.

It is a choice. To love or to hate. That is where our power lies. So choose wisely. 

So choose compassion, towards yourself first and foremost. 

When lost
In doubt of yourself,
Of your abilities,
Of your future,
Take a step back,
to focus on and rectify your salah.
.

The ones who strike

Have you ever asked a question to another, that may require them to explain themselves, and have been met with words that have left you questioning your self worth? Blame shifted onto you? Disrespect? Disregard?

Know that the problem is not with you, but the one who spoke to you that way.

How dare they try and lower another person's self esteem as a knee jerk to feeling vulnerable? In an attempt to mask their own insecurities, they immediately shifted the focus away from themselves and onto another.

Emotionally healthy individuals acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling, accept it and will talk it through. Those who are emotionally unhealthy will simply snap back, using words that pierce like knives. Its a self defence mechanism. Of course, there is reason for that to be in place. Previous betrayal of trust, past emotional trauma.

But you're not supposed to heal whoever you come across, not at the cost of your own self. Leave them be to face their own demons, to realise that they brought upon their own destruction and will continue to do so till real change is made, from within.

Imagine the pain of a marriage built on this uncomfortable reality.
Uncertainty is an answer in itself, to a question too difficult to ask.

Vulnerability

We were made from the Earth, and to it we shall return.
Yet we paint ourselves meticulously, in an attempt to mask the uncomfortable truth.
Vulnerability is an embrace of the true human nature. Flawed and unsure. 

The task is to find another, who may grant us the privilege of being all parts of our inner selves, peacefully. Without fear of rejection or need for change.

May they be a source of peace and comfort. Who one can confide in, remove the mask and feel safe enough to do the most difficult of tasks...be vulnerable.

Mental energy

Preserve your mental energy
Preserve your mental energy
Preserve your mental energy



Gather it, build it up.
Re-invest it, in yourself, in your growth and your passions.
Watch as your mind bears its own fruits.

Self love

There's a misconception about self love. Some associate it with narcissism, being blind to ones own flaws, vanity, perhaps even arrogance?
The truth is far from it.

To understand self love, one must understand love. Not the fictional, romantic kind. Lets focus on a love which most should be able to relate to. Maternal love.
A mother loves her child unconditionally. Being fully aware of the child's clumsiness, tantrums and mistakes, yet she continues to love. She forgives and nurtures, whilst also offering guidance to the child. Yes, she may too lose her patience, but cools down quickly and returns to her natural, caring state. In doing so she accepts them for who they truly. For that child is precious, its a part of her after all and therefore is worthy of consistent compassion.

We seek self knowledge and continue to grow and move forward, yet there lies a child within, who trips, perhaps more often than they should. Who is still afraid, insecure and unsure.
Our inherent and unchangeable quirks represent the child within, perhaps we should show maternal compassion towards them.

Overwhelmed?

To be overwhelmed: The sudden realisation and acknowledgement of all things needing to be done at a single time, ultimately leading to a sense of panic followed by the need to run away ASAP. Or that's my experience of it.
It's unpleasant, stressful and makes life a lot harder than it needs to be.

So how did we get here?

Simply put, by saying yes to often. Yes to meeting a friend, yes to attending that event, yes to helping whoever asked, whilst also having a growing list of tasks and commitments that have yet to be completed.

Becoming overwhelmed is the immediate result of underestimating the value of our own time whilst also neglecting the amount of energy needed to pursue the tasks at hand.

Prevention is better than cure and this is true for dealing with overwhelm. Take steps to ensure it doesn't happen. And if it does happen, take a time out and deal with the tasks at hand in a calm and organised manner.

Now that the problem has been identified, what can be done?
Here are some tried and tested tips on how to break the cycle.

1) Learn to say no. NO. NO. NO. Be blunt or if friendship matters then then politely decline. Those feeling overwhelmed often are usually the same people who say yes by default. Remember, each task takes up valuable energy. "You can't pour out of an empty cup", so know when to say no in order to have the time and energy for what matters.

2) Simplify your life. Have personal goals in mind, ideally written down somewhere easily accessible for quick reference. When things get busy, ask yourself  "Does this contribute towards my personal goals?" before agreeing. If it doesn't contribute towards your long term goals then leave the task at hand or move it to a more convenient time.

3) Be organised. To-do lists really do help. Write down everything that needs to be done, mark the urgent tasks and do those as soon as possible to avoid last minute panic.

4) Check your relationships. 
Are you being emotionally drained?  Hours of precious time could slip away dealing with toxic individuals, leading to a vicious cycle of over thinking and emotional drain. If their negative effect continues following the interaction, chances are they're toxic. CUT THEM OFF.

5) Aim for each day to be balanced. Write down the different aspects of your life. Spirituality, academia, fitness, diet, hobbies/passions etc. Wake up early and try and do something for each of these categories. Focus your day on achieving balance. How we spend our day determines how we spend our lives so be wise with what you do.

Life is chaotic and that in itself is an uneasy reality, no surprise that the illusion of control offers a sense of peace and grounding. Living with balance and structure is perhaps the simplest way to find a space of safety within the chaos.

The purest love

Its going to sound cliche, I know, but its true.
The most purest form of love is love for God.

Love for Allah is the only type of live that not only fills, but overfills. Walk to him and he will run to you. Be mindful of him, appreciate the sights, sounds, delights that you experience daily. Spread greetings, perform your prayers on time, make time for his book.

In other words, use your senses to know yourself, and when you are able to do that, you will find him. Our understanding of ourselves and the world around leads us to Tawheed and strengthens it.

So when the only love you seek is the love of God, you will be returned with an endless personal supply, to then share with others.

Human Connection

Vulnerability, insecurities, fears, hopes, dreams, hardships.

To connect with another involves uncovering what is usually hidden. 

To see a glimpse of the soul that lies underneath, 

and realise that despite the apparent differences, 

we all experience the same turbulence.

Spontaneity

Routine

the killer of creative thought

puts the creative mind to sleep

suppresses higher human functioning

That's why we are advised, to take time out.

To explore,

to learn,

to reflect,

to break from routine and allow the mind to wander.

It awakens the mind and spirit,

allows for discovery.

So when you find yourself uninspired, stuck in the mundane...Go.

Experience the joys of living. Where any sight or sound that delights, awakens you.
Till you're left wondering, why you had deprived yourself of the simplest way to bliss- Meaninglessness 

...

The capacity to give love as an offering is liberating
But how?
How does one give love without expectation, surely that would lead to exhaustion?

To answer that is a life's mission, but the people of the past have answered it for us.

Individuals like Ibn al-Qiyyam, amongst many others, have arrived at the same conclusion.

Seek love only from God.

Be mindful of him, aware of his presence.
Appreciate the sights, sounds, moments.
Use the senses to know him, of his wonders.
Allow love to grow between you and the one who made you, whole and complete.
He brings forth the means for us to better understand ourselves, if only we contemplated.
Participate in the challenge of life fully and search for him.

Seek his love, and once found, enjoy the liberation that comes with giving love to others as an offering.

Regret?

We can regret the things we did, true. But, the most bitter of regrets are of the things we didn't do. For opportunities don't repeat themselves often, and nothing stings more than feeling the loss of what could have been.

Use regret to prompt reflection, and release it immediately. Let it be a tool for self understanding and positive change. To refocus and take corrective action.

For future actions, beautify them with good intentions. It keeps the heart light and the soul pure. For intention is truly the only thing we have control over.