Red flags of a Narcissist

I've come across countless stories of how empaths fall victim for narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths and I always believed I was self are enough to recognise if it was happening to me. That's not true. What causes it? Rose tinted glasses. They make it impossible to detect the red flags, and even if you notice them you are reluctant to talk about it.

One of the most basic yet fundamental abilities of an emotionally healthy individual is the ability to recognise their mistakes. To accept, admit and be empathetic towards another when they do something to harm or upset them.

This is perhaps the quickest way to identify a sociopath. If they do something to upset you, how do they respond? Do they blatantly lie (- a pathological liar right there)? Do they shift the blame? Are they patronising saying "Thing about it logically, why would I..."? so you doubt your own rationality? Do they offer an empty apology with "Sorry you felt that way"?

When we are hurt, the majority of the time, it is with good reason. Pain is rarely ever irrational. It is the amongst the most primitive of human feelings and its something we can be certain of if we are feeling it. To have someone take away your right to feel that way, belittle or make you feel silly for it is nothing less than violating. It leaves the person in a state of confusion, feeling hurt but no longer knowing why? Maybe there's something wrong with me? In the long term this leads to nothing less than self doubt, being unable to trust your own feelings, low self esteem and a whole host of other issues.

So if you decide to stop reading now, just take away one message. You are entitled to your feelings. They must be acknowledged and accepted. And anyone who makes you feel silly for opening up about them should be treated with caution. Talking about our feelings should always make us feel better, when talking to the right person it is almost freeing. If doing so brings shame and regret then know its not you.

Anyway here is a list of red flags that I have personally come across, from different individuals yet they all share the same underlying traits.

If you find yourself relating to any of this, do yourself a favour and cut contact ASAP.


1) They're not sorry for the action. They're sorry they got caught and it made a mess and ruined their impression in front of you

2) They do good for the sake of pleasing themselves, of satisfying their ego. So they can tell others of it and receive validation.

3) For some reason, everyone seems to have a problem with them. A growing list of their former friends no longer speak to them.

4) You confront them for something they did to make you feel uncomfortable and they fully deny it.

5) You confront them about how you're feeling, hoping it would make things better but instead they accept no responsibility and leave you feeling stupid for feeling that way.

6) You feel like your crazy for caring so much. The reality is they're controlling the amount of love and attention they give, to keep you within their control and limits.

7) They see the world and people as a means to their own benefit. The need to use others then discard them.

8) You feel exhausted! Take this seriously.

9) Your self esteem is low. You are unappreciated and their presence makes you question yourself and your self worth.

10) Arrogance

11) Self obsession and obsessed with how others perceive them.

12) Easily envious of others. This shows in the negative way they portray those who have more than them.

13) Enjoy drama and "triggering" others. Peoples feelings aren't there for your amusement!

14) Will say things to you for the sake of provoking a reaction and seeing how you respond. Interested in testing your bounaries and what you are and aren't comfortable with. Seeing how much they can get away.

15) Low level of integrity. If they lie for small, meaningless things.

16) If you make them feel insecure in any way, they respond with ridicule.

17) If you are clinging on their potential to improve, and feel like you shouldn't leave because you may be able to help with that.

18) Unempathetic





Low self esteem is the reason for all of these behaviours. Such people need therapy for the sake of bettering their future relationships. It is not your responsibility to stick around and help them, to show them that there is good in them somewhere. You, empath, are loving, wholesome and nourishing however there is a limit to the love you are able to give. You will quickly find yourself depleted and left as empty as they are. For the one with low self esteem cannot possibly cause another to thrive. Leave. Otherwise you will find yourself questioning why. Why you aren't good enough.


To those who made me feel this way. Who had no good intentions for me but to see how successful of a social experiment I'd be, to see how many boundaries they could erode. To see how much they could change me.

Fuck you.

My boundaries remain.